i dont know...i just dont ...

I am writing this, really on the idea that no one is reading it....because I haven't blogged in maybe a million years...well with that exception of last month...but that wasn't my fault. A friend made me do it.

Pretty much here this evening, because.... I need to get  words out. Because it's just sitting on my tongue....and I can't say them to anyone...and they are just there...and I am just ever so ready to spit them out at someone. Spit is pretty much the action I want to use there...that's a pretty strong use of "spit"....I'm not wishy washy on that word choice. Spit out my words. Yup....

So I'm a teacher. At least I used to be. Do you really stop though?  I'm not employed...and as of July 2014 I am certainly not certified...anymore.

Which brings me to the spitting words....if you have somehow stumbled upon this blog...backup. You are in the splash zone. Maybe tears before spit though


Once upon a time, a baby born was born, and he was, the most beautiful little creature you laid eyes on. Jet black hair, and dark blue eyes. At birth he looked like he could have been 3 months old, this sweet chubby thing. He was my first baby. My plan was to take a year off from teaching. And then put the munchkin in daycare and back to career life. Yeah...that plan lasted maybe 5 minutes in the hospital room. I was done for. I wanted to be there for all of it. The smiles the cries, the applesauce smeared on my jeans, I didn't want to miss it. So I resigned my position .
Easiest decision I never made.

Fast forward 7 years....another beautiful baby born, his sister, and she's on the verge of starting school which means...so should I. It has been the long talked about plan. When our youngest started school, I'd go back full time. And so I prepared....I took my subject area exam, with dread and dreams of not passing....3 hrs after beginning the test in the smallest most uninspiring room, meant to qualify those who should take on the job of inspiring others...I stared at the screen at the tiny letters that said "status: pass"...3 credits down...3 to go.

The next part....this is where it all happens...

So I turned to my alma mater....I wanted something.online...something I could manage at home while I could still make time for dress ups with the girl, picking up my son, and getting dinner together...I was in the midst of mom life, trying to get my career to wake up from the slumber I put it into 7 years ago. Person after person after person...with no real info except "let me transfer you to"....finally I reached someone who understood what I needed, ...online...credits...let's get it done...take my money. She gave me over to the guy running the course...and he was super excited, very helpful, very informative, and very on top of things. That should have been my first clue. University people are never that helpful...sigh. sketchy in detail at best, but never excited.

I was sent 4 4 inch thick binders. I am not exaggerating. They were as thick as they were useless. This was my course material. What I was supposed to read through, so I could later test on. I opened them up...lesson plans...lesson plans after lesson plans of language arts lesson plans. What would be on this test I wondered. "On lesson plan 4.3.12  what were the materials needed to teach a a compare/contrast lesson? "...I was flabbergasted.(I love that word, see this is why I teach).

Fast forward to 5 months, after reaching out to a "mentoring" teacher, who I don't really understand the mentoring part...because at best all she told me was "I'm sure you are doing fine....and I'm sure you will pass, don't worry., I began to envision her in a house dress watching Wheel of Fortune, throwing an email back at me between Pat Sajak calling letters out. "(Mumbling) ugh, this girl, again...yes yes you'll do fine, ...G!..G!!! You idiots...I'VE GOT GEORGIA ON MY MIND!!!!..ugh I should be on.this show...:::click, send:::

So I took the online test, a test so full of errors it was embarrassing. A test that had questions like, "A haiku is a poem made up of 3 phrases, with a 5,7,5 pattern...." Now fill in the blank....go ahead...

What???...true? Yes? Correct?

Oh I'm sorry...the answer we were looking for was "b".

I'm not kidding, apparently my mentoring teacher forgot to add in the multiple choice answers for some of the test. The Wheel must have been spinning fast...Sajak was saying something particularly witty..I don't know.

So I passed, I passed the ridiculous test. And I UPSed my transcripts..because I was down to a week and a half before my expiration on my certificate was up....

So I was super happy to hear they had lost my transcripts after they arrived...signed for received, and then promptly lost...and then was later told....we accidentally shredded them.

Of course you did....transcripts number 2 now...

And then a letter..from the dept of ed in Tallahassee...not sending my certificate, but to inform me, the class I took...was not college course credit.

Helpful guy turns out to be not so helpful, and basically some dweeb who is trying to make a name for himself in a program he is trying to get the state to recognize as being accredited, and my college basically put me into the hands of this one, because I am convinced no one, no one...knows where to guide a teacher who is looking to recertify.

So I'm sitting here...really not knowing what my next step is. I am now facing having to make up not 3 but 6 credits...because of new requirements from Dept of ed, for anyone renewing after a certain date....that's me now.

Again, I'm really not expecting anyone to read this, and if you are kudos to you, because I fell asleep 2 times just while writing this and ...but here's my heart...

I know God has plans....and I feel as almost this is a trial...but for what? For what? I have no leading in my heart to go elsewhere but teaching....I know there must be some lesson in it. I know that, and maybe it's to lead me to something I don't know yet,  but what a frustrating thing it is, to be put on hold. I am trusting and leaning, but really doing so while silently kicking and screaming, (is that possible?)...but I don't really know what to look at, what to put into action....I don't know. I really don't. In the meantime.....I think Wheel Of Fortune is on.